Small Victories

Though it sounds totally backwards, we have almost totally abandoned a homeschooling curriculum for a few months so I can gain some perspective, pace myself and learn more about Isabella.

This homeschooling venture has not been easy, but in ways I didn't expect. I did the research and knew from everything I read that this year would be the most difficult.  Most parents who quit do so after two to four months, but at least our homeschool challenges would be ones I felt were worth pushing through, not ones like, how can I get Izzy to get ready faster in the mornings so we're not running to a bus stop every day. I knew I couldn't look at other homeschool families and compare our progress or approach because one of the major advantages to this is that you can mold it to whichever way works best for you, your child and family.   These have been my major challenges over the last few months:

• I didn't realize how little time I need to spend actually "schooling" her  before moving on to something else. In short, we have a lot of free time and it has been a struggle navigating what portions of that free time I am responsible for keeping her entertained; she should be reading; playing outside or socializing with other little people, all while trying to keep Paloma on schedule with naps and myself with errands, laundry, eating, etc.


• Homeschooling has shown me what a control freak I am when driven by fear of failure. (Isabella, you will sit down and enjoy this book because it is a classic and you have to know the classics because if you don't you'll be uneducated and never succeed in life and I will have totally failed as your educator, so sit down and quit wiggling and listen! Very enjoyable for her, indeed.)


• It has been very difficult for us to break our brains from seeing and approaching school from the traditional classroom method (e.g., sit down, open a book, lecture, do a workbook exercise, rinse, lather, repeat.)


• Learning how to adapt teaching to the way Isabella learns. She is very wiggly. I went to Catholic schools all my pre-college life, where wiggling was not appreciated. Structure, structure, structure, sit still, don't ask questions about the Bible I can't answer.


• Learning that it is my job to expose her to different disciplines right now. Mastery of a subject comes later. Right now I have to help her develop a love of learning. In doing that, there is no way she will not learn along the way.

All the above require patience, perseverance and most of all, pacing. Lightbulb moments don't happen every day. Copy work is copy work. Maybe it's because life has always been so go-go-go for me that it is very strange to just live life with the girls. It's hard for me to look at the bigger picture confident that copying sentences from classics will train her brain to recognize proper grammar. It's just baby steps and keeping a steady pace. I have 10 years to equip her with the tools she needs to succeed in life, not just in a box room, in a box building, learning from a boxed curriculum. And please understand, I am not knocking traditional schools. We decided to homeschool for so, so many different reasons. This is just what works for our family. 

When we started school at home I realized Izzy was mostly guessing in math, but her grades at school had never reflected it, so we had to start the year with a first grade curriculum to ensure she had a proper foundation.   Since we have been taking a breather from "school", I've had Izzy count her allowance (we pay her $5 a week if she completes all her weekly chores) to keep her math skills sharp.  Yesterday I mixed up the way I payed her so she could practice her skip counting.  When she finished counting, she looked up at me wide-eyed and said, "I did it!! This is the first time I've counted money like that!!"

It wasn't anything extraordinary like, wow I memorized all my times tables today!  But it was a big step for her that happened on a regular, nothing special Monday morning.  There was no worksheet or test she aced.  Later she dictated thank you notes to me she would copy and mail to those who sent her Christmas gifts.  After Paloma napped we went on a hike.  The air was crisp, the sun was out and Paloma wasn't too whiny.  It was a plain old day with one small victory.  I will take it.

In 2013, I'm Back

What better way to start the new year than blogging at midnight because J came home late from an after-work dinner and woke me from slumber (though he probably did me a small favor since I fell asleep on my side trying to put Paloma to bed, again, because I wanted to make sure she saw me "sleeping" so she would then fall asleep, and my fake sleep turned into real sleep and I never readjusted my position and now my neck hurts).  Now, after moving to our bed, tossing, turning, reading British tabloids, raiding Pinterest, Instagram and Facebook status updates, I quit trying to talk myself into sleep, got up and raided the pantry for the chocolate and brownies I hid from Paloma and am currently stuffing face.

Thank you, Pinterest

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I love blogging and have been discouraged every time I think about being more consistent because I'm so good at being inconsistent.  That said, it's finally starting to sink into this wee brain of mine that life is a process.  Life is life.  Everyday isn't full of a great revelation or huge stride.  I won't be totally organized or find the perfect routine for Izzy's schooling all at once, but God knows our hearts and intentions, and every baby step, every effort counts toward the bigger goal.

Also, I love having a corner of the interwebs to write, read it back to myself and think, I'm hilarious (crazy, sane, fabulous, totally weird, etcetera).  It's sort of my sanity.  I do journal, or used to, but it hurts my hand to write so much since there's always so much going in my brain once I sit still enough to think, and also my Macbook is fried and in it is the expensive (to me) journaling software I now can't access because my operating system is now so outdated that I can't even sync it to my iPad app when I do get my computer to temporarily funtion.

Speaking of, I don't know when I fell so behind on technology, but when I went into the Mac store last week to look into buying a desktop for our home and heard the nice lady talking about the Cloud and Snow Leopard and lions in mountains, and all this other stuff I thought, I am sooooo stuck in 2008. When we get our desktop, I may have to register for one of those classes intended for Baby Boomers new to the touch screen world.  We're just to a point where we can't even sync our i-technologies to this computer because it's now too outdated as well, but at least it works!

Okay, wow that went on a little longer than expected, so back to the new year.  We finally chose a Bible verse for the year, before the new year!  Hooray!

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. -1Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV

The New King James Version reads "glorify God with your bodies", which I like more.  The point is, this year we're going to treat our bodies better, feed our bodies better, and ultimately (hopefully,) glorify God better.  So our key word is "glorify".  Does what we do, how we spend our money, treat others, treat ourselves, glorify God?  That's our family verse for the year.  I'm excited.

Next, I set a few personal goals for myself. In no particular order they are:

1. Quit shopping online so darn much.  I found it's a coping mechanism for me, to avoid dealing with immediate issues at hand.  I also want to travel and this is a serious barrier to that dream.
2. Quit all alcohol consumption at home.  It does me no good.  For starters, I begin my day behind on water.  Second, its turned into another coping mechanism.  Raising kids is hard work, but I chose it and I need to deal with it and live life more responsibly.  Relying on an Italian red and not Christ when I'm overwhelmed is toxic.  I look forward to adult beverages while on a date and/or out with friends! 
3. Get stronger.  Develop muscle and stamina.  It's not about being skinny, it's about being strong.
4. Pace myself more.  In everything.
5. Get to know my daughters more.  Life moves at a blindingly fast pace, and even though I homeschool, it's easy to lose perspective and remember what life is about.  I want our daughters to remember the fun and the memories, not a stressed out mom who was always barking out orders.
6. Surrender more.  It is hard to wrap my head around the fact that God is interested in and cares about the mundane details of our lives, but He does.  He wants us to ackowledge it and give it to him so we can move forward.  A lot of times I get all control freak, bossy and moody because I don't feel like I'm in control of something, be it a situation, an emotion, you name it.  Fear dresses up in many ways and  I get ugly when I'm subconsciously driven by it, especially a fear of failure.   

Well so much for starting small, right?  Even writing that down was a little scary, but you have to start somewhere.  I can't not start because I'm afraid I'll fail, again.  And I probably will, but that is okay, because I am totally conquering No. 4 this year!

Happy New Year :)

Nashville-bound Day One: Mary Poppins, Mariachis and More

There is a special bond that forms during road trips. Something about driving down the Interstate with the windows down and sunroof open singing really (really) bad and loud to music has the potential to create a bond you won't soon forget, especially if the person joining you in bad singing and sitting next to you is your child.

Isabella and I haven't had much time alone together since Paloma was born, and I miss it. When I found that my friend's wedding in Nashville conflicted with a chance to join James at the ever popular and glamorous White House Correspondent's Dinner, the choice was a no-brainer: Nashville.

See, I immediately knew there would be the opportunity for a long road trip with Izzy and I longed for time alone with her. I know seeing Jane Ann walk down that aisle and commit her marriage to Christ is something that far trumps a night with reporters and abnormally large egos all in one room at once.

I met Jane Ann at Tennessee. Not coincidentally, we happened to enroll in the same Monday, Wednesday, Friday speech class, and the same Tuesday, Thursday statistics class, both at 8am. Our eventual friendship led to her inviting me to a church she heard had a great new kids Sunday school space she wanted to take the "little sister" she mentored throughout the year. I met her for the 9am service at Sevier Heights Baptist Church, an event that would change the trajectory of my life and the reason my abnormally strange love for the southeastern United States all made sense. I'll save the long version for another time, but in short, I went every Sunday after that (because I actually wanted to, a novel concept to this Catholic girl,) enrolled in Sunday school, and about a month later walked down the aisle during the invitation and met my Sunday school teacher, Don Wilson, at the end and, barely able to hold it together said, "it's time," and BOOM! Niagra falls and ugly sobbing from the sheer relief and joy I felt from accepting Christ in my life and finally understanding that He wasn't just an invisible something out there, but a real, loving, living God I could have a personal relationship with.

All because a sweet girl from Nashville, Tenn., invited me to church.

And now that that major ADD tangent is over, let's circle back around, shall we?

Because an 11-hour car ride doesn't suit a toddler, and because she can still ride an airplane for free, Paloma flew to DC with James where she will spend quality time with her Abuela.

After Izzy and I dropped them off at the airport, we were off. First, there was some reading.

Then some sleeping.

Then there was the singing. It started with mariachis because my iPhone landed on Juan Gabriel's La Farsante while she was waking from her nap. Or maybe me just singing that song extra loud (twice) woke her up. Not sure. Then we moved on to Taylor Swift for a good two hours (because singing Mean just once is never enough,) followed by a very good hour or more of singing the entire Mary Poppins soundtrack in our best British accents, followed by more reading and a Doritos break. One must rest the fragile vocal chords, you know.

Then it was Juanes, Michael Jackson, Elvis, Rithie Valens, Bobby Darin, and ended with Brian Setzer's amazing rendition of Malagueña.

We stopped in an Atlanta suburb to visit out beloved Aunt Millie, the cool aunt we love to love but don't see enough of. Dinner and a margarita later, it was small town talk of Vidalia and off to bed.

Today we finish the drive and hope to tour Nashville by trolley so Izzy can see where Elvis recorded his first record. I love that she loves Elvis. Update to come. Stay tuned.

We Clean for Babysitters

This month has been absolutely bonkers.  It's big one gigantic blur.  I mean, one big gigantic blur.  See what I mean?  I would have undone that dyslexic typo, except then I thought, no, that's a perfect example of what this month's been like.

It actually started at the end of last month when we we dropped everything to say our goodbyes to James' grandmother as she prepared to meet Jesus.  I stayed with the girls most of our time there, during which time Paloma managed to get us kicked out of the hospice on account of her being REALLY LOUD.  That was fun. 

We drove back the evening after the funeral and hit the ground running.  Isabella had unexpectedly missed a day of school, which meant we fell behind on papers and folders and papers in folders, and now it's all just one mess.  Yesterday I discovered one of said papers that was in her folder and remembered that she has a project due in a week.  A project we haven't started that requires soil and daily analyzing and an egg an carton, and well, that will have to be late.  I feel like I'm the one in school again, scared to draft the e-mail to her sweet teacher that, oh that project that's due, yeah,  the one that was in the folder at the beginning of the month, well I just found it and well,  I dropped the ball on that also.  Sorry.  Again.

My poor child.

So anyway, then it was Easter and of course I hadn't made the girls an Easter basket, and then Easter weekend was full, then it was last week and that was crazy catching up with all the housework and meal prepping I missed running around trying to clean up from the trip and preparing the Easter baskets and doing laundry I hadn't done from trying to dye eggs.  I'm not sure if any of that makes sense.  This weekend it was my good friend's baby shower which took up our whole day, which was kind of nice because the kids were entertained, I could take it easy at the shower and James got the day to play 18 holes.

On our walk to the grocery store Sunday we ran into a co-worker on the elevator who was visiting our neighbor at the pool, and of course immediately afterward Isabella started begging us to take her to the pool because now she knew all the young girls were out there.  So after our trip to the grocery store I took her down.  A whole group of neighbors had gathered in a neighbor's poolside unit where they were enjoying the day and drinks.  After about an hour our neighbor/co-worker/occasional babysitter went in to refill her beverage and Isabella asked to hop over the barrier to say hi.

When she rejoined me in the hot tub she says, "Wow, Mr. Ryan's house is reeeeeally CLEAN!"

That's what she said.  Part of me was at a loss for words from the mind-numbing flabbergastededness  her sweet ignorant words placed me in, and the other part of me wanted to rant off exactly WHY our unit wasn't as polished as the one that belonged to the young bachelor and his roommate, outlining everything I just did above and then add, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!  YOU KIDS DRIVE ME BONKERS AND I CAN'T SEEM TO CATCH UP!  I'M EXHAUSTED!

But I didn't, because I'm not five, and it isn't her fault.  It's life as a mom with two kids and a dog and ADD.  Last week I couldn't find the pasta I had prepared the night before, and so I gave up thinking I may have thrown it out.  Then the following afternoon I went to grab a container to store the guacamole I made and there, top-on and neatly put away with the clean containers, was the pasta I put away, just not in the refrigerator where it belonged.

So to come full circle here, let me get back to the point.  This morning I was reading the Pioneer Woman's post on why she homeschools and found myself laughing out loud, mainly from just relief.  Relief from knowing that, despite what you read, and aside from those two moms you know that are weird and totally organized because their minds follow one steady stream of thought and focus, moms can't keep a house clean all the time.  Sometimes, we just don't want to even when we have the time because we'd rather just catch our breath (or, blog about it).

But, I found that we do all clean as a family when James and I have a date and the babysitter is coming over.  It's mainly to save face since our babysitters all work in James' office and we don't want them to be all, wow, their house is a wreck.  I mean, we know it is most the time, except for when months and weeks aren't totally bonkers and I'm constantly falling behind on everything because my energy level is abnormally low.  So our date nights are actually a good incentive to give our place a deep clean, so I think I shall vote to have more of them.